Booby Dysmorphic Disorder™


Most of us who were small fry, pre-mastectomy, seem to want to be bigger post-chop. Never say never, but it’s unlikely I would have opted for a boob job BF (in the time ‘Before Foobs’), had I not found my deformed gene.

Some of you know my feelings about drawing comparisons between a prophylactic mastectomy and a breast augmentation. If wanting bigger boobs was my motivation, I could have found a load more pleasant means to get them… Eating lots of pies, chicken fillets and, if I really, really wanted them, a run of the mill boob job, which would have been a much more pleasant and less psychologically treacherous stroll in the park than the route I have chosen.

However, if I have had to have my boobs lopped off, one small payback is going to be the opportunity to increase the size of my love jugs.

I’m currently at 300CC in my expansion process.  This last fill has been the most uncomfortable to date. I wake up each morning feeling like my breasts might explode through my armpits and I have pins and needles where my bra straps would normally be on my back. They are also so hard I feel like I’m wearing a bra stuffed with shot-puts. (The irony is, and you can ask Mr F, I am very much not wearing a bra at the moment. Well, it hurts like hell! We now have a morning game where we anticipate how visible my nipples will be in the day’s choice of clothing… anyway, I digress)

My point is, even though they feel like the biggest breasts in the world, I currently have no real idea how big they are which is why I have diagnosed myself as suffering from Booby Dysmorphic Disorder™. Like the body version, I think my view of how big my boobs are, is pretty out of whack with how they actually look.

How big are my boobs?

I don’t know? But they are definitely bigger. I put on a shirt the other day and for the first time in my history (apart from when I’m carrying a little holiday weight) the buttons were in danger of taking out a few eyeballs. Then I also almost got stuck trying to get my sports bra over my Foobs, which was quite embarrassing as I was with a relatively new colleague. It was so tight that when I took it off my right boob was a squashed oblong (I swiftly reached for the cocoa butter and began to desperately massage it back to ‘normal’).

But as head to my final fill next week, I’m a little sad not to keep going. Maybe if they were squishy and pendulous they’d feel more substantial?  I’m also worried that when I make the exchange to the softer, more realistic implants, I’ll lose some of the fullness that my current shot-puts provide. After everything you go through, I really don’t want to feel ‘deflated’ (pardon the pun) with the final result.

But… will they look ridiculous? I’m only 5’3” and a UK 8 – 10. In reality am I modelling myself on Barbara Windsor? Who knows? I am suffering from Booby Dysmorphic Disorder after all.

Barbara Windsor


11 thoughts on “Booby Dysmorphic Disorder™

  1. I absolutely love how incredible your attitude is to the surgery you have had and the difficult but sensible choice that you have made. As Tom mentioned, I’m considering this same testing/surgery myself and you’re such an inspiration. Your blog is not only honest and open but always with a comedy twist that always makes me smile. It’s great to be able to read about your journey throughout this, and hear about your experiences after making this tough decision.

    • Hello lovely,
      Thank you for being kind and saying such lovely things. Since Tom emailed, I’ve started drafting a post about how I got tested and what I had to do. It’s just a bit harder and longer to write than posts about how big my boobs are…
      I was saying to Tom, let me know if you want to meet up for coffee or wine at any point and I can tell you anything that might be useful. I’m around this Sunday if you fancy a Bondi cofee xxxx

  2. A male friend of mine, back when I was a lot less confident in my own body (ie early 20s) told me that the perfect size boobs for him was when they fit in his hand…the dude had small hands and thought mine were already too big for him! Not that he ever felt them of course…From then on, I never worried about the size of them 🙂
    I do agree with you though, people who think that ladies who choose prophylactic mastectomy are just trying to justify a boob job, have no idea! Lucky for me, I haven’t had to go through that but I know too many women who had and none of them have had an easy time with it…some still suffer from pains years later (depending on how good a surgeon they had). Good luck with it all and I am sure they will be perfect!

  3. I love, love, love the picture at the beginning of the post. Before I swapped out the expanders for the implants, I definitely felt like I was all boob. It’s much better now. The expanders were WAY bigger than the implants.. At size 450cc implants, I am now technically back to the size I was pre-chop. I say technically, because that’s what the surgeon tells me, but I know I am bigger than before. I am very happy with the size, though. It’s nice to be a tad bigger (and have them so high and perky), but I did not want to be so big that it would be the first place people look. I’ve gone through my whole life with that NOT being the first place people look, and I know that I would be really self-conscious if I felt like people were staring at my boobs.

  4. I know just how you feel; I would never have voluntarily had a breast reduction, but it was definitely one of the benefits of having the surgery (that and the whole getting-rid-of-cancer thing!). I was a DD pre-surgery, and I wanted to be a C coming out of it. I’m convinced I’m no smaller now even though I am wearing smaller shirts, and my mother, husband, and plastic surgeon all insist they are indeed smaller. They still just seem like a focal point to me, although it probably is psychological. Sorry to hear your expansions are so painful. Doesn’t sound fun. Hopefully it won’t take too long to get to where you want to be! My MIL had expanders too, and like Deborah above, she was hugely relieved of all the pain/pressure once they were exchanged.

    • Yes. Finding any benefit has to be a good thing. And it’s good to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t know whether they’re bigger or smaller, or just really different.
      It’s not too bad. Just more sore than they were xxxx

  5. I have always been told that more than a handful is to much .. But maybe that is my husband being polite as I am pretty flat chested!!! Saved money on bras over the years and do not suffer from the droops now!!!! LOL … I think go bigger you may as well get some benefit that’s visible!!! Xxxxxx

  6. Sorry just seen this! That would be fantastic. We’d love to meet for a coffee! Are you free next Sunday? I’d be really keen to find out about the process of getting tested. Thanks so much for the offer to meet up and find out more, I really appreciate it xxx

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