Crash: Day 3 and Day 4 Morning

kind

They warned me that day 2 would be crash day. The day when all the drugs wear off and you realise the enormity of what you’ve done? Well for me that was day 3. Although depending on how you look at it, if you count surgery day as just being surgery day, yesterday could well have been day 2.

On paper yesterday was good. I got up in the morning and did my exercises – congratulated myself on being so strong and threw in some squats. My friend, Kiwi A, came in the morning and we had coffee and breakfast outside on the grass. My two friends, D and S, came straight after at the same time as my boyfriend, with another coffee (this may have been too much), and stayed til 1pm. As they left I saw them out with a walk round the car park with Mr F.

I returned to my room, had a peek at my chest, fell asleep and was woken by two new friends, M and L, who brought me nice pants from Peter Alexander in an egg carton – ingenious. I went for another walk round the car park before greeting my lovely friend, E, who brought a Terry’s Chocolate Orange. E and Mr F stayed until about 7pm. When they left I repeated my exercises, watched the Real Housewives of Miami and went to sleep.

However, extract things from paper and this was not the entire day.

Boob Watch:

I did look at my boobs. They are not as bad as you’d think. My left nipple looks OK and my scars are really tiny. However my right nipple looks bruised and sore and my overall impression was that I looked like action man.

I called Mr F and cried. Bless him, everyone else sees good Trisha, he on the other hand has the one that can only cry with him. Besides, what can you say when your girlfriend calls you up and says she looks like action man?

Bowel Watch:

Despite drinking 2 glasses of prune juice, walking around A LOT and having A LOT of wind… (sorry – oversharing) I still haven’t been to the toilet since Wednesday evening! I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t feel so very, very full and swollen.  Bearing in mind I’m only eating 2 meals a day and avoiding the 3 servings of white bread they are giving me in here. By the time I went to sleep last night I was struggling to breathe I was so expanded.

So of course I called Mr F-Therapist and cried, again (man going out with me is ridiculously rubbish), and he told me to ask for some laxatives.  I didn’t and went to sleep – until I was woken up to change my drains at 12pm and the nurse offered me some.

Midnight Caller:

I was then awake (as I have been at this time for the last 3 nights) and got a txt from AF to see if I was a) asleep and b) OK.  This time I blame him as I txted I was fine and he insisted on Skyping. It was at this point I cried, again!  Long story short he cheered me up and I managed to go back to sleep.

Morning has broken…

Got woken up to take pain killers this morning. If only pain killer could make me sleep and go to the toilet. Saw that my drain incision in my left armpit had leaked… cried… you realise this is again, right?

So look, I know, I’m shattered. I haven’t slept for 3 nights, some people took my boobs away and I still haven’t been to the toilet. I just feel a bit bad as I have been this positive poster girl for how to react when you wake up flat chested and my current emotional state makes me feel like I’ve duped you all.

Game plan

Today the game plan is to sleep as much as possible. I have been for one walk already and I’m determined the next one will push me to the toilet. Finally I’m going to give myself a break.  All this positivity is really hard work and despite what my many self-help books and Pinterest mantras may say, it’s alright to feel like crap from time to time and I’m allowing myself that indulgence for day 4.

kindess

2 Aims For Day 3

GoalI have 2 aims for today, my third day after the mastectomy. One is to look at my new boobs – or lack thereof. The other is to move my bowels for the first time in three days.

Boob Watch:

I have had little peeks of my deflated breasts over the last few days.  Drs come and want to look and my support bandage keeps slipping down. However, I have not been brave enough yet to go full frontal and look at what my chest is currently doing. I’m not going to lie, I’m not hugely looking forward to this moment, but I have to look because a) they are part of me, b) I need to be familiar with what’s happening so I can tell if anything is going wrong and c) they won’t look like this forever so I should just suck it up.

I have no real game plan for this, I just need to do it.

Bowel Watch:

I promise I won’t gross you out with this. It’s bad enough I’m broadcasting about my deflated breasts, let alone my bowel movements. However, I have not been in 3 days and as a healthy, coffee drinking girl, this is not like me. I haven’t done anything wrong, it’s the wonderful painkillers I’ve been on, plugging me up to numb the pain.

So this is my game plan on operation, get things moving down south:

  • I have done my exercises for this morning (I’ll share these in a separate blog post). I have progressed onto the exercises for patients 7 days after their surgery as days 2 – 7 were too easy.  Don’t tell Mr F! I also threw in a few squats and lunges.
  • I have drunk my first glass of prune juice for the day. Look it’s not gross, but it’s full on.  Read here for why prune juice is amazing. Essentially it makes you go to the toilet and helps fight cancer. GO PRUNE JUICE! http://www.wisegeek.org/what-are-the-health-benefits-of-prune-juice.htm
  • I am going for a coffee in the sunshine. I have been told to move more today and move I will. Sod that regular sized coffee I had yesterday. Today it’s large, skimmed latte to have here, but in a take-away cup, followed by a walk round the car park.

Wish me luck. I’ll report back on my missions. Hopefully I won’t be crying / full of prune juice by this evening but I’ll let you know. x

Prune

Two Weeks to Mastectomy To Do List

 ToDo

In two weeks today, I will be (if all goes according to plan) lying in a hospital bed having had both of my breasts removed. I will also, hopefully, be drugged up on pain-killers and/or in and out of sleep.

With the operation looming ever closer it seems I have much, much more, and not any less, to get done. As a rule, the more I have to do, the more I feel the need to write a list. So, ladies and gentleman, in no particular order, I present you, my ‘Two Weeks to Mastectomy, To Do List’.

–          Finish all my work or convince someone else to take on my 9 – 5 to do list

–          Get my hair cut: it’s already looking a bit ferrel so I think a trim is in order, especially as I won’t be able to wash, let alone comb may hair for at least a week

–          Dye my hair: I’m at the stage where my grey hairs will soon stop looking like flecks of light, and start looking like real life, genuine grey hairs, so a quick dye job is in order

–          Buy a lot of stuff! I would go through all the items with you but that is earmarked for its very own blog post

–          Tidy the spare room, or what is soon to be my recuperation boudoir. This room is currently serving as my second wardrobe or dressing room so this action is all mine

–          Weed the garden: I’d quite like to be able to spend at least some of my recovery time in the garden, not dodging red back spiders or whatever deadly insects they breed here in Aus

–          Load a stack of books onto my kindle

–          Get Mr F to download the rest of Downton Abbey and season 4 of Being Human onto my laptop

–          Make at least a week’s worth of food to put in the freezer so Mr F doesn’t make me put on half a stone eating meals where the main ingredients are butter and cheese

–          Start drinking prune juice: Apparently the pain killers I will be on may lead to constipation so it’s best to get things lubricated ahead of time. And finally…

Stop eating chocolate: I come from a family of medical people who take health instructions quite loosely.  We were never allowed to stay home from school and instructions on medicine bottles are generally open to interpretation. BUT, I have read that you should cut down on coffee and chocolate (that has loads of caffeine in it) as it potentially thins the blood that will need to clot during the operation and in healing.  So with my loose interpretation of instructions, combined with the fact that I have no intention of giving up coffee, the chocolate has to go.

With two weeks to go, tonight I enjoyed my last and wonderful, dark, chocolate Lindt ball.  Farewell my creamy friends, I’ll see you in about a month and a half.

lindtball